she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
