Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You smell like stripper and shame
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
