Porn is love you can see.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
