just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
