quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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