great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
