It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
