She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
