Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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