Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I need moral support for this bender
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
