Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
