i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
