New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
