This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
