38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
