You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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