I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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