I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
