I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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