you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
