i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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