Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
