Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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