she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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