OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
