shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
