ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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