In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
