i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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