I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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