Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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