"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
