just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
