oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
