I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
