okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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