There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
