I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
