Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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