I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
