i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
