Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
