tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
