Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can't just leave with hair like that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
