woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
