Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
