my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
only you would photoshop your dick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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