I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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