finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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