If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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