All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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